This Little Star
by Ashleigh-HJ
Summary: Carby. Sequel to Seasons out of Time. Complete
1. Prologue

Basically - this is a sequel to Seasons out of Time - thank the carby kids at ERHQ for this...lol.  
Disclaimer - I own nothing. All NBC  
Spoilers - None that I'm aware of  
Setting - Late Season 12, Early Season 13.  
Pairings - Jabby, some CarKem and lots of Carby angst (what's new)

**This Little Star**

In the seasons that pass from one time to another, things can change. People can change and your feelings can too. No one knows this quite as well as John Carter. After his heroic return to Africa to face his future bride, Kem, he was resolved in the fact that there was no one else out there for him. Any other past loves had fizzled out and there was no capacity for a new romance. On the eve of said wedding he faced an internal battle between his head and his heart – between what was the right thing to do for his sake or the right thing to do on the part of his conscience. It was very much so the Armageddon for his past. In the end his conscience won. He failed to pluck up the courage or the mordacity to explore something he knew was still buried and in doing so he signed himself onto a contented future – almost comforting, safe or even just boring. The human heart is a tricky machine – there is room in there to love every single being on the planet, yet somehow there always seems to be a star amongst the billions that shines the brightest and takes up most of that room. Others can come along and fill up the remainder of the space, but that one little star still fills your heart up and blocks out its competitor. John Carter had a heart that was all too aware of this situation. He had had many lovers over his lifetime and one always seemed to shine, one always made him think of the "what ifs" and the "what could have been" and it was that one little star that caused the most problems. This little star was called Abby, and it was this little star that triggered the battle before his wedding.

Their relationship had been a poetic tribute to the years of build up and anticipation that lead towards that first kiss. It was a fairy-tale romance to begin with; adorned with the admiration and infatuation so many of us long for. In many ways it was too perfect, at least from the out-set. The relationship lay on a foundation of trust and respect, and also confidence; confidence in the other not giving in to the temptations and demons that set their friendship; confidence in knowing that they were past the stage of judging, past the "getting to know one another" stage which left them only to enjoy their relationship. It was a perfect plateau for any relationship to set off on. Yet slowly the rose tinted glasses came off, external problems pushed those demons to the foreground and in doing so, slowly pushed the respect out of the window. The flaws began to unravel – gaining speed as situations progressed until nothing more than a shell was left. Neither John nor Abby was willing to repair these faults and they had to call it quits.

The decision to end things was based on John's heavily hazed perspective on things as he wrote to Abby, comforted by the 3000 miles that separated them. This acted as a solace to the perpetual problems that were to exist between these two for ever more. Fuelled by the hurt of the break-up, both John and Abby took different approaches to healing. Abby confronted her demons – the demons that caused grounds for the split. She picked herself up, brushed herself down and put her life back together – proving to herself that people can change and she was glad she did. John, on the other hand flung himself into a relationship, made all the more serious by his new lovers shock announcement of pregnancy. Both seemed to feel content in their new lives, their new separate lives – something they hadn't experienced since they had first met all those years ago. It was a fresh start for both but somehow something always seemed to be lacking.

At this point the story skips forward a year to the day that both John and Abby were never to forget. For Abby this day brought great happiness however, this day held a much more sinister fate for John. Abby had finally fulfilled her dream as that day marked her graduation from med-school. That day should have been the happiest day of John's life; his son was to be born. God, on the other hand, seemed to think differently. Un-preventable complications brought great heartache as that baby was still born. This horrific incident sent John into turmoil; he spent the following year searching for himself and found comfort upon his re-union with his African lover. After a passion-filled re-union they jointly moved to Africa and embarked on their new lives. Abby found reconciliation in a quick relationship which ended simultaneously with John's departure. She slowly fell into a despondent state only brought to life with the return of Jake.

Jake's return brought a question, the same question John had asked Kem merely moments before Jake's arrival. The answer to both questions was the same – yes. In agreeing to the proposals both Abby and John faced a new, totally separate future. They had closed the lid on their relationship and prepared themselves to embark on their new journeys. John found himself content living in Africa, he loved the time he was spending with Kem and he loved the work he was doing but more often than not he found himself eager to return to Chicago. Abby also found herself contented. She was resolved in knowing she would never get what she really wanted and that she would have to settle for the next best thing – Jake. This hazed state extended its hold over these two for several months, until the inevitable journey to Paris for John's wedding.

Here things got confusing. The happy façade of Abby's relationship withered in John's presence until she was reduced to a withering form. Confused at the revelations, Abby admitted her feelings to John who had noticed her demeanour. Upon his 're-union' with Abby in Paris, John found himself swamped with a feeling of regret – regret in how they had ended things, how things had been dealt with in the past, and in how things were still being dealt with. This was one of their most tragic flaws. Neither one could ever muster the strength to confront deep issues in reference to one-another, a quality that was incessantly present in Paris. They shared an emotional exchange, both, in ways, admitting to feelings they still hid deep, deep down. In the end, after having admitted to the end of their relationship John and Abby went their separate ways – John with his new bride, and Abby with her soon-to-be spouse.

Our tale ended here. We don't know of the confusion that took place between then and now. We don't know of the questions that were asked, nor do we know of the feelings that are still present – even after all this time. Therefore, it is here that our new tale begins – the final days of Abby's life as a single girl. Exactly one week from today that little star will take the biggest step of her life – into marriage in front of her friends, family, work-colleagues and of course, ex-lovers.

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Please review. Thanks )


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One 

Stepping out into the warm autumn air, Abby Lockhart was over-whelmed with a feeling of tremendous happiness as she strode her way up the stairs to the el platform. She carelessly manoeuvred her way through the crowds and safely onto a train, blissfully unaware of the deafening screeching of the train brakes. She remained in a contented state for the entire journey home, happy in the knowledge that she wouldn't have to return to work for another three weeks (finally having your best friend as your boss paid off). Abby cheerfully strode from the el station, down the stairs, onto the street and in the direction of home. As she casually strolled her way down to her apartment she was looking ahead to the nights that were in store for her. First off, her hen-night in two days time, followed by dinner at the four seasons the next day then a day with Susan, Neela and Sam all topped off with the rehearsal dinner on Saturday and then the big day itself. As she approached her building she was thrown off her thought train by a dark shadow waiting by the door. Confused, she paused for a moment, focusing her eyes on the figure. She heard her name being called out in an all too familiar voice. She quickened her pace until she stood before the perpetrator and in a flash of shock she recognised his face.

"What did I tell you about your keys?" he spoke.

Abby smiled a smile worthy of the Cheshire cat. "Oh my god…Carter…what are you doing here?" She shrieked. "I mean…hey!" She reached up and hugged him.

He wrapped his free arm around her back and returned the embrace.

"I thought you were coming out on Thursday!" Abby said.

Carter smiled as he looked at her. "Yeah, uhh...the flight was cancelled and the next flight they could get me on was next Monday…which would have meant I would have missed the wedding." Abby smiled at Carter. He continued "yeah, so I switched airlines and the only flight I could get was…" He looked at his watch and laughed. "Well…yesterday!"  
Abby laughed a little as she continued to look at Carter. "So…uhh what are you doing _here_?" She asked, slightly confused.

Carter laughed at her expression "uhh…my dad still thinks I'm coming here on Thursday and therefore isn't home…so….?" Carter smiled.

Abby rolled her eyes. "You can sleep on the couch" She smiled at him.

"Thanks" Carter smirked. He loved how she immediately knew what he was asking her. He was all too happy to see her standing before him after almost 6 months and what was more, she was happy. He wanted, more than anything, to go back to that night before his wedding and tell her what he had been gagging to tell her – what his conscience wouldn't let him say. It wasn't that he wasn't happy with Kem, he was. He did however, still think of the 'what ifs'; thinking of them more and more as his trip to Chicago loomed. Abby always seemed to be at the front of his mind and Kem was beginning to notice. He couldn't help it; it was as though he was still under Abby's spell – the same one that had bound him so many times before.

Together, Carter and Abby entered the building and tackled the staircase. As they entered Abby's apartment Carter dropped his one bag at the door and Abby walked towards the couch where she dumped her bag and jacket. Abby turned and leaned her back on the back of the couch as she faced Carter. She looked at him and smiled – a smile which faded as she frantically looked around the room.

"Where's…Kem?" She asked.

Carter's smiling face slowly fell until he was awash with a somewhat confused face when he said "Kem? She's…Kem's in Paris…with her mother." He stuttered.

Abby nodded her head. "Is her mother sick again?" Abby asked.

Carter, who had been staring at his feet since he had finished speaking, lifted his head. He took a deep breath as he said "umm…yeah, she's sick again. Kem had to go help out. She sends her apologies"

Abby smiled at Carter as she noticed his discomfort. "That's ok. I hope she gets better soon."

Carter smiled and nodded his head. "Yeah, me too." He spoke somewhat doubtfully.

Abby found herself staring at Carter as he spoke, she continued this gaze even once he had stopped. Something wasn't right with Carter, somehow he felt off to her especially at the mention of Kem. The Carter standing before her was a very different Carter to the one she parted from in Paris. That Carter was contented and happy and despite their revelations, he was still at ease. But this Carter seems sad, almost depressed. He is much quieter and no where near as confident as she was used to him being. She prayed to god that something wasn't wrong with him, physically, but still feared that there was something in his mind preventing him from being happy, preventing him from being the Carter she knew and loved so much. At this point Abby was snapped out of her reverie by the ringing of her phone.

"Want me to get it?" Carter asked motioning towards the phone.

"Nah, its ok. I've got it" Abby replied, terrified of what would have happened had Carter answered the phone and have Jake on the other end of the phone.

Abby walked past Carter towards the phone, smiling at him as she passed by.

"Hello?" Abby answered the phone

Carter stood watching Abby on the phone. He could faintly hear a screeching down the phone and assumed it only to be Susan. He smiled and leaned towards Abby.

"Is that Susan?...Abby? Is that Susan on the phone?" Carter tried to get Abby's attention

"…no thongs and definitely no…" Abby turned and faced Carter. "Yes it's Susan." She said sternly and directed her attention back to her squealing maid of honour and best friend.

Abby had the phone balancing on her shoulder as she picked up a cup of cold coffee and looked into it. As she sat it back onto the table she looked at Carter.

"…no Susan, it's Jake…" She lied. "No, he's just being nice." Carter laughed at Abby, she smiled back at him.

"How am I lying?...Susan. I am not lying." Abby's face went red.

"Jake's in the ER? Oh…Then this must be his…uhh…twin" Abby's face went scarlet this time and Carter laughed hysterically at her. Once he had stopped laughing he heard his name mentioned faintly down the phone.

"OK! Fine! It's Carter. Ok? You happy now?" Abby laughed as she heard her friend scream in excitement.

"Ok….ok….ok" Abby nodded her head. "Right. I'll see you in a half hour. Bye...ok Carter says bye too"  
Abby hung up the phone and laughed.  
"Turns out you're my star attraction" Abby said sarcastically. "Now you can't possibly say that you didn't miss Susan!" Abby exclaimed.

Carter smiled and nodded his head. He lifted his head and locked eyes with Abby with a look that made Abby feel very uncomfortable and self conscious. Nevertheless she returned his gaze and smiled.

He moved towards her until he stood right in front of her. He placed his hand on her cheek and leaned forward as he said "Not nearly as much as I still miss you…"

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Thanks for reading.

You know the drill. Reviews are welcomed, actually I like them lots.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Abby kept her eyes on John but as he got closer she began to feel uncomfortable. He continued to lean towards her, making her feel very nervous. Abby turned her eyes away from his as she pushed him away.  
"John! Just, don't…" She said, confused.

Carter was also confused by this.

"What?" He asked, somewhat shocked.

"I'm getting married John! You can't…you just can't do this!" She pleaded. Abby then walked away from Carter and made her way into the kitchen and sat at the table.

"Oh god, you're right!" Carter said as he turned around and flung his hands up in the air. "I'm sorry…" he began as he made his way over to Abby. "…I am, I just…I don't know what's going on with me." He said sitting down.

Abby placed her head in her hand as she looked at Carter.

"Are you ok?" She asked, concerned.

Carter looked around him before he answered her. "Yeah! I'm fine." His over-exaggerated tone caused Abby to dig deeper.

"Carter!" She exclaimed. "Don't lie" she shook her head. Carter diverted his eyes from her.

"You can talk to me…you know that?" Abby asked.

Carter hung his head and laughed gently. "Right" he muttered under his breath.

Abby tilted her head so she could see his face, if only a little bit.  
"John, what's going?" Abby enquired.

"nothing is going on…it's nothing" He replied.  
Abby sensed a doubtful tone in his voice and glared at him in an attempt to show him that she knew he was lying. Carter only shook his head at her.

Defeated, Abby stood up from the table and turned around to her kitchen. She slowly began to make some coffee, beginning by taking two cups from her cupboard and placing them on the counter. As she carried out this routine set of events her mind slowly drifted away thinking of the man sitting mere inches away from her. She found herself worried for him for the first time in almost three years. Her gut feeling knew there was something going on, something wasn't right and since her attempt to find out what it was had failed so miserably she needed a new plan. Abby couldn't interpret the moment they almost had, she couldn't work out what would have happened had she not stopped it, nor could she work out why it almost happened. She began to speculate that his advances were born out of his separation from Kem, but Abby didn't know how long her mother had been ill or even how long Kem had been in Paris; hell for all Abby knew Carter could have been in Paris with her. Things weren't making sense. It was far too unlike John to be unfaithful, especially now he was married. Within moments Abby was greeted by her favourite feeling, confusion.

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Unfortunately for Abby, her lack of knowledge on the subject would make it very hard to understand John's presence and also his state of mind. She would now have believe his lies and hope for the truth. Maybe John will catch himself up and everything will unravel, or once and again they will go their separate ways still wondering about the what ifs. I suppose, in a way it was these "what ifs" that has caused Carter's early arrival by triggering his heart to yearn for its poison…

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"…_And I now pronounce you man and wife" Spoke the elderly priest. _

_Carter and Kem kept their eyes fixated on each other as they anxiously awaited the next line. _

"_You may now kiss the bride" He said looking at Carter. _

_Slowly, and happily Carter and Kem sealed their wedding vows. Together they turned and faced the busy room, toward a sea of smiles and faces of delight. Kem put her hand in Carter's and they walked back up the isle as "man and wife" – ready for their future. _

_Naturally, both Carter and Kem found themselves peering into the audience and greeting the guests they recognised. Kem turned to her right and smiled at her mother as she reached out and grabbed her hand. Carter peered to the left and caught a glimpse of Susan holding Cosmo on her lap as she turned to face Carter. He smiled at her and carried on walking. John Carter kept his gaze to his left hand side until his eyes met their target. He caught her looking behind her shoulder and watched as she dropped her purse onto the floor. Abby reacted and turned back to pick it up and as she brought her head back up from the floor she caught eyes with Carter. She smiled at him as he, and his new wife, walked towards where she was seated. Jake caught Carter looking at Abby and in his usual protective manner he slid his arm over her shoulders. Abby turned her head and smiled at Jake then quickly glanced back at Carter. As Carter and Kem made their way past Abby and Jake, Abby found herself placing her head on Jake's arm in her attempt to show to Carter that she was happy, and that she'd be ok. _

_Carter and Kem then made their way out of the hall and a brief reception followed during which time, Carter's head was plagued with thoughts – the worst thoughts to have at your own wedding reception. He had been married for no less than an hour and John Carter was already having doubts._

_

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"Here you go" Abby said, handing Carter a cup of coffee and she sat back down._

"Thanks" He replied.

"Are you sure you're okay John?" Abby asked again.

"Yeah…I am, it's just…"  
"Is everything ok with you and Kem?" She interrupted.

Carter stopped in his tracks. He couldn't tell her the truth; he wasn't in the mood for a confrontation nor was he in the mood to think about why things with Kem weren't ok, so he lied.  
"Yeah, it's just her mom. I dunno, she should be okay though" Carter smiled.

Abby, now fully in "friend-mode" continued.

"Well, if you ever want to, or need to phone her…uhh you know" she said as she pointed at her own phone.

Carter smiled warmly at her. "Thanks."

"No problem" She reassured him.

A silence followed. Neither one could work out what to say so instead they both stared into their coffee cups and continued drinking. After several moments Abby spoke.

"So how is Africa?"  
Carter lifted his head and smiled, thankful for an end to the silence.  
"I would say it's great, but it's the Congo, so…you know?" He laughed a little at the end. Abby smiled and nodded her head.  
"But uhh…money is coming through and people are getting help, so in those terms it's doing really good." Carter now nodded his head.

"That's great John." Abby smiled back at him. "Don't you ever miss the states?" She asked him.

Carter laughed a little. "Hah, of course I do! Everything is so much easier back here."

Abby laughed in surprise. "I'll be sure to tell Susan you said that"

Carter smiled briefly at Abby's comment. "But uhh…" Carter breathed deeply. "My life is in Africa now" he spoke this last part with a nostalgic tone to his voice.

"Right?" He asked Abby as he turned to face her. Abby was taken aback and confused, and with that a knock escaped from the front door.

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Thanks.


	4. Chapter 3

Thanls for reviewing guys. I really appreciate it.  
As you might have noticed I've updated with quite a few chapters. I'm just getting this up-to-date with ERHQ. So the next update won't be for a while.

Thanks.  
Ash x x x

btw. This chapter is just a filler chapter - bugger all happens.

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**Chapter 3**

Abby stood as though she had just had the wind knocked out of her. Carter, who stood facing her waited for a reaction. The knocking behind them continued. After several moments of silence, Abby took a deep breath and as she exhaled she said:  
"I better get that" motioning towards the door.

Carter quietly nodded his head in agreement. As Abby walked towards the door Carter stepped back to allow her access.  
"It uhh…It'll be Susan, she said she was coming over." Abby spoke as she passed Carter.

"Right" He replied.

With that Abby opened to door to see a rather flustered looking Susan standing in the doorway. Abby laughed at her friend's appearance.

"What the hell happened to you?" She asked with a laugh.

Susan laughed sarcastically back at her.

"Do you know how long I have been standing out here?" Susan replied with a mock anger. "Do you know how windy it is out there?" She continued as she entered Abby's apartment.

Abby laughed. "Do you know what city you live in?" Abby spoke with a condescending tone.

Susan smiled at Abby's "joke" and turned around to meet Carter.

"Hey!" she said as she ran into a hug.

"Hey" Carter replied as he hugged her back. As they pulled apart Susan kept her hands on his shoulders.  
"So where's the old 'ball and chain'" Susan joked.

Carter smiled. "She's in Paris…uhh with her mom…she's sick, so Kem…Kem's sticking around until she gets better." Carter said uneasily.

Susan threw him a sceptical look.  
"Okay then." She said as she walked away towards the living room.

Susan walked towards the brown couch and sat beside Abby; she was closely followed by Carter. The three friends sat quietly on Abby's couch waiting for someone to speak. Susan sat in between Carter and Abby and could feel some tension, which was hardly out of the normal between those two. Susan had a funny feeling she had interrupted something when she finally arrived on Abby's doorstep but she had been too worried to ask about it, especially now that Carter had shown up without Kem. She was all too aware of what had happened in Paris, and how confused they both had gotten. In a way, Susan wished they had worked out whatever was going on, or is going on and finally done what they should have done years ago. She knew neither of them would confront the other just as well as she knew how much they both want too. Even now, after them having been separated for so long, Susan was convinced there was still something, no-matter how obsolete between them.

Abby, tired of the silence, leaned forwards towards her guests and spoke.  
"You guys hungry?" She asked.

Both Carter and Susan lifted their heads from the back of the couch and smiled.

"Am I ever not hungry?" Carter replied with a smile.

"Ha…good point. Susan, you hungry?"  
"Yeah, I guess I am…" Susan replied. "You're not going to cook are you?" She added.

As Carter started to laugh, Abby responded with an all too famous Abby eye-roll.

"You know, for that I might just cook" Abby smirked as she stood up off the sofa and headed towards the kitchen. As she opened a drawer she shouted across to her friends.

"What you guys want? We have Pizza, Chinese, more pizza, Mexican and…well more pizza."  
Carter smiled at Abby. "Pizza is good for me"  
"Yeah, fine for me too" Susan added.

"Okay" Abby said as she picked up the phone from the table by the couch. As she dialled she began to walk around the kitchen leaving Carter and Susan on the sofa.

"I thought you weren't coming out until Thurday…what happened?" Susan asked Carter.

Carter turned his head towards Susan, reverting his gaze from Abby. He smiled and took a deep breath.

"Nothing happened, it's just, flight problems. The dates weren't working out right, that's all." He smiled again.

"Because of Kem's mom?" Susan added.

Carter didn't exactly know how to respond. Flustered he said "Right, yeah…Kem's mom."

Susan gave him a concerned look. She knew something wasn't right.

"Is everything ok, John?"

Carter sighed in response.  
"You know, it's ok if you guys are fighting. Chuck and I fight all the time. It's nothing to worry about. You'll both sort it all out." Susan said as she placed her hand over his and squeezed it.

Carter hung his head. "It's a little bit bigger than that…we've really hit the rocks this time" He spoke with a doubtful tone.

Susan looked confused. "What do you mean? What's going on Carter?" But before he could answer Susan butted in with another question.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Carter looked un-easy and he began to shift is weight on the sofa. "Yeah, just uhh…later ok? You know, when Abby isn't around."

Susan was stumped. She couldn't understand why Abby wasn't to know or hear about it. She was his best friend and, well he told her everything. Something just weren't making sense.

"Okay…what about later tonight? You know, once we've left here?" Susan added.

"Well, I'm gonna be crashing here for a few days, just until my dad gets to Chicago…he has my keys" Carter responded.

Susan threw Carter a very sceptical look. "Ok, just come get me after my shift tomorrow. I'm off at six, okay?"  
Carter nodded his head in agreement. Susan began to laugh to herself.

"Wait, so you're staying here, with your ex?" She asked.

"Well…yeah" Carter replied as he tried to formulate a proper response.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" She added.  
Abby, who had since hung up the phone and was making her way to the couch over-heard her friends conversation.

"What's a good idea?"

Carter and Susan both shot her beady-eyed looks. Neither one able to fathom a response.

Bored of waiting for a reply Abby said: "You know what, I don't care…"

"Food will be here in like 30 minutes"  
Both Carter and Susan nodded their heads in agreement until, once and again the room was enveloped in silence. After several minutes Susan remembered the reason she had came over to Abby's apartment.

"Hey, Abby? We have a party to plan" She said with a smile.

Abby turned her head and faced Susan.

"That's right!" She smiled. "Hey, Carter? Fancy organising my last night of freedom with us?" Abby added.

Carter smiled and nodded his head. He sat and watched the two girls rapidly fall into conversation over the arrangements as he thought of his own arrangements for a night with Abby…one's that wouldn't involve a party, or other people.

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Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 4

Flashbacks are in italics.**

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**Chapter 4**

It was his first time at the hospital since he had left almost a year ago. Nothing had changed, except the weather. John Carter stood at the entrance to the ambulance bay watching for Susan to finish her shift. He turned his back to the hospital and faced the building behind him. That lot brought back too many memories than once place should hold. Even though it was now a supermarket, Doc Magoo's was still fresh in his mind. He smiled at the times he had spent in there. Carter glanced around him once again thinking of everything that had happened to him in the ambulance bay over the last 12 years; walking to work, playing basketball, running out of a trauma to sit on the kerb, his breakdown before re-hab, walking to Doc's with Abby, the hours they both spent in their with their coffee and pie, his final words to Mark Greene, his many anger driven exits out of County and of course his returns. Carter could almost feel his eyes water at the memories, both good and bad and for once in almost a whole year Carter felt as though he was at home.

Behind him Susan Lewis made her approach and as she got nearer him she slowed her pace. For the last few steps she walked on her toes until she reached out and grabbed him.

"Ha-ha! Gotcha!"

Startled, Carter turned around. He began to laugh.

"You…you scared me!"

"That was the general idea" Susan remarked as she smiled at Carter.

"How come you didn't come in?" She added.  
Carter smiled at her as he lifted his hand and put it on the back of his neck.

"I guess I'm just not in the mood to go see everyone and have to answer like a thousand questions"

"Fair enough" Susan replied as she began to walk out of the ambulance bay. Carter soon followed her in silence.

They both walked quietly for several minutes until they had made their way down to the river. As the walked along the river front Carter once and again was a-wash with memories.  
"So how was your shift?" Carter asked.

Susan looked at him and rolled her eyes.  
"You know, you don't have to waste your time on small talk. We both know what we're here to talk about." Susan added.

Carter hung his head.

"Yeah, you're right." He said as he stopped walking and made his way over to the nearest empty bench.

"Ok Carter, so what's going on?" Susan asked as she sat down beside him.

"You're really cutting to the chase huh?" Carter remarked.

"Well what were you expecting?" Susan replied with a laugh.

Carter laughed back at her as he reached his hand up to his head and ran it through his hair.

"Maybe I was expecting to be edged into it. Slowly." He smiled. "Like an actual conversation." He said sarcastically.

In reply Susan shot him a classic "yeah right" look. Carter, in response smiled.

Susan watched her friend for a few brief moments. She watched as he shifted his weight in the bench until he was facing her. She could already tell that this was going to be an uncomfortable subject.

"Come one Carter. What's up?"

Carter leaned back on the bench, he flung his head back as a sign of exasperation and as he brought his head back to being level with Susan's he said:

"Kem and I are taking a break" He stated with a very "matter of a fact" tone.

Susan was somewhat astonished. That was by no means what she was expecting him to say.

"Wha…what?" She stuttered.

Carter threw her a slightly dismal smile. Susan was still completely shocked.

"Wh-why?" She answered.

Carter shrugged his shoulders as he said:  
"She uhh, she doesn't think I'm happy" He replied.

Susan stared at him for several moments before she spoke.

"…and, well are you?" She asked.

Carter sighed and shook his head as he looked at Susan. He didn't really know how to answer her, partly because he didn't know the answer.

"I honestly don't know!" He started. "I'd like to think I am you know? I mean, well I've practically devoted my entire life to her. I've gave up my job for her, my home, my friends…everything. But in all honesty, I uhh…I don't know anymore…and if I don't find out soon, I think one of us is going to give up." He spoke softly.

"That sucks Carter" Susan replied, putting her hand on top of his.

She then turned to face the river flowing before her and for a while she found herself lost in it. She was genuinely upset for Carter but somewhere in the back of her mind she thought of him and Abby and remembered they way they did, and still do, love each other. She was all too quickly snapped back to reality when she remembered what Carter had said to her the night before.

"So, is this what Abby isn't to know?" She asked.

Carter smiled sadly and nodded his head.

"Pretty much, minus a few other details." He said.

Susan nodded her head as a way of responding, but she still didn't understand why Abby couldn't know about the "break". She gave into her puzzled mind:  
"Carter…" She said to get his attention. "…why can't Abby know? I don't get it…" She continued.

Carter stifled a laugh as he shook his head.

"Because, she's the problem…" He sighed.

And the problem she most certainly was. Little did Abby know, she was responsible for her friends misfortune and upset, she was responsible for his early arrival to Chicago and, unknown to her, his late departure. It wasn't her actions, nor her physical presence that had been causing the problems. It was however the impact she had left on her ex-love on that fateful night in Paris that had caused his mind to slowly but surely convince himself that he didn't belong in Africa and, more importantly…that he didn't belong with Kem:

* * *

"_Here you are monsieur" spoke a young waiter as he handed Carter his plate._

_Carter smiled at the waiter. "Merci" he said as he allowed the waiter to place his plate on the table. _

_Carter smiled at his new wife across the table as she was also served her meal. She politely smiled back before she stared at the char-grilled piece of meat on her plate. _

"_You really do pick the tackiest places to eat sometimes you know that right?" She laughed. _

_Carter smiled back at her. "Hey c'mon! It's a themed restaurant! Its fun!"  
Kem smiled at him again. "Well clearly my definition of fun is far from yours" She joked. _

_Carter rolled his eyes. "Yeah…well…" he stuttered. "How many 70's restaurants do you see in the centre of Paris?" _

"_American seventies restaurants" Kem added._

"_Exactly" Carter replied as he ate some French-fries. _

_Kem merely shook her head as Carter laughed. _

"_Well, then I am educating you on American culture" Carter added smugly. Kem laughed in reply. _

_Both sides of the table began to eat their meal. Kem much slower than Carter who had pretty-much devoured his entire dish in the time it took Kem to get started. _

_Once Carter had finished and Kem was almost half-way through her meal she stopped and groaned. _

"_What on earth is this music!" She shrieked._

_Carter laughed at her. "Oh stop complaining! This is a classic" He remarked._

"_What is classical about 'sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight'?" She replied._

_Carter smiled at the mention of the lyrics. _

"_Who even sings this, John?" Kem asked._

_As Carter thought of the artist his mind slowly rewound to the last time he had heard it. The grin on his face slowly reverted to a happy smile as he remembered Abby screeching it from her end of the bed all those years ago. He could remember exactly how he felt right there and then, and still now, he had a little bit of that feeling left over which really was the last thing he needed to know when he was on his honeymoon._

_

* * *

_

And that was it. More often that not he had found himself thinking of Chicago, and of Abby. Thinking of what had happened, what could happen and what he wanted to happen. He was slowly wrecking his own marriage and he was well aware of it – yet he still couldn't get Abby out of his head; no matter how hard he tried and don't think this escaped the glare of his ever watchful new wife…

* * *

"_You're not happy John, are you?" Kem asked through her tears._

_Carter, who stood facing out of the kitchen window turned to face his wife. He was terrified about what was about to happen. She had finally confronted him on the way he had been acting since they had returned to Africa after the honeymoon. Kem was concerned about the state of her husband, and she had full right to be. From the second they had got married she knew something was wrong with him, he was distant, cold even; and it hurt her. He took very little interest in her and their "romantic" moments were few and far between. For the first two months she had put it down to homesickness and gave him the benefit of the doubt. But now, a further three months on, he was still the same way – and perhaps made worse by the letter that had fallen onto their table merely hours ago. _

"_Don't tell me how I'm feeling…ok?" He replied, still staring out of the window._

_Kem felt a tear run down her cheek she lifted her hand to wipe it away. She glanced at the letter sitting on the table top and she began to cry again. Kem leaned forward and lifted it up and in anger she began to shout._

"_Is this what this is all about John!" She exclaimed._

_Carter turned to face her._

"_Excuse me?" He asked._

"_This John" She replied, lifting the white envelope up to his eye level. "is this what all of this has been about?" She continued to shout._

"_Kem, its an invitation." He stated in an all too matter of a fact tone of voice. _

_Kem glared at him. "I know that fine well John!" _

"_Then what the hell is all this about!" He shouted at her._

_Kem stared at her feet as she continued to cry.  
"You really don't get it do you?" She asked. Carter refused to reply. _

"_Do you know what its like to be with someone who you know is thinking of something, and someone else the entire time he is with you?" Kem asked. _

_Carter again refused to answer, instead he sighed to himself. _

"_I do, John" Kem continued. "And any time something comes up from home, or you hear from someone back in Chicago… you just….you get so distant that I don't even know where you're coming from and to be honest, I can't take it anymore John!" She shouted at him through tears._

_Carter began to feel his eyes welling up with water. _

"_John? Please tell me what's going on" Kem begged._

_Carter shook his head as he slowly began to cry. _

"_I don't know Kem, ok? I don't know anything about anything anymore!" He fought back and for the first time in months he was telling Kem the truth._

"_Do you still want to be married?" Kem pleaded. _

_Carter looked around the room as he frantically rooted for an answer. _

"_Yes…I do want to be married." He replied, and he wasn't lying; but as he spoke these words his heart screamed out someone else's name. _

_Kem accepted his answer as she nodded her head. Carter turned around again and stared out of the window, anything to keep his gaze away from Kem's. _

_For several moments no one dared to speak until Kem broke the silence._

"_Is this about Abby?" She asked with anger in her voice._

_Carter groaned as he lifted his hands up in the air and as he threw them back down he turned to face Kem._

"_Oh God! Here we go again! We cannot keep having this same conversation!" he shouted at her. _

"_Well what do you expect me to think huh?" She replied._

"_You spend more money phoning her than you trying to build a home for us!"Kem shouted._

"_Is this about money? Because, I'll give you money if it will shut you up!" He shouted back at her. _

"_Don't talk to me like that!" Kem said._

_Carter sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry about keeping in contact with Abby." He stated._

_Kem glared at him._

"_She's my best friend Kem!" He exclaimed._

"_She is also your ex-girlfriend." Kem added under her breath, but still loud enough for Carter to have heard her. _

_Carter shook his head. "She's the only person I can talk to…" Carter began to speak._

_Kem stopped dead in her tracks. "I'm your wife John! Last time I checked, that meant a lot!" She screamed at him. _

_Carter didn't bother with a response. _

_Frustrated Kem threw her hands in the air. "You know what John? Fine! Go to Chicago, go see Abby…because you and I both know you'd much rather be there with her than be here with me!" Kem yelled in anger. _

_Carter, fed up with fighting with Kem turned from the window and made his way out of the kitchen. He quickly ran to his bedroom and packed as much of his stuff as he could find. All the while Kem ran behind him, watching him. _

_As Carter made his way to the front door he turned and faced Kem. _

"_You happy now?" he asked her, but before she could answer he was out of the door and closed it behind him. _

_Carter stood on the other side of the door for a few minutes, wondering if Abby would mind him being in Chicago for a little bit longer than she had expected._

* * *

That night Carter went back to Abby's apartment and spoke nothing by way of his conversation with Susan. Abby retired to her bed early after an arduous day spent with Jake's family, listening to them go over every single detail of the wedding imaginable. She returned to her apartment to find Carter making something to eat, he told her he had spent the day walking around Chicago – taking in everything he could and remembering my favourite places and everything that had happened. He didn't tell her about his trip to County or his conversation with Susan – even though he knew he would have to tell her sooner or later.

* * *

Thanks. 


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Abby Lockhart tossed in her bed, woken by the strong smell of coffee escaping her kitchen and for several moments she lay unaware of who was in her apartment. She abruptly sat up as she heard a faint murmur escape from the other room. Still groggy from the hours of sleep that had just past Abby stumbled out of her bed and made her way out of the room. She stood in the doorway, dishevelled from her restless night; quietly watching her guest. A smile crept across her face as she watched him move around her apartment in the same way he had done so long ago. Whilst in the process of turning she caught his attention and he turned to face her.

"Good morning" He sung, smiling at her scruffy appearance.

Abby smiled in return as she made her way into the kitchen.

"How long have you been awake?" She asked, her voice still a little bit croaky.

"Too long. Jetlag I guess" He replied.

Abby nodded her head as she quickly glanced around the room.

"Have you tidied up?" She asked, slightly surprised.

Carter laughed a little as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Yeah, sorry…I just couldn't sleep." He added.

"No..no..it's cool Carter, actually thanks! I would never have gotten round to doing it!" She added, slightly impressed that he still remembered where everything went.

"Coffee?" Carter asked her, aware that she was in dire need of a morning pick-me-up.

Abby nodded her head in reply before she squeezed past Carter in order to get to the other side of the room. Then slowly, almost by magic both Carter and Abby fell into an age-old routine of theirs. Abby washing two cups under the tap, handing each to Carter who stood by her side with a towel – ready to dry them. As he dried the second cup she pushed past him and made her way to the kettle as Carter grabbed the sugar bowl and coffee jar. Within moments two cups of coffee were served. Both Carter and Abby was somewhat astounded at how easily they fell into their old routines. Abby was alarmed at how normal it felt to have John in her apartment, in her kitchen. She felt as though she had woken up in a time-lapse and not noticed where she and Carter we're still together and called her small apartment home. It was the thin gold ring on his left hand that quickly made her realise exactly where _and_ 'when' she was. In between sips of her coffee she found herself smiling at him and as though they were in some parallel universe, he smiled back. For longer than expected both John and Abby remained in silence, both quietly drinking their coffee.

"So what does the 'blushing bride' have planned for today?" Carter asked as he smiled at her with the tiniest bit of sadness in his voice.

Abby rolled her eyes at his pathetic attempt to make conversation, although at the same time she was thankful he was trying.

"Well…" She started. "Susan will be dropping off my dress later which will be followed of course with my last official night of freedom" She laughed. Carter forcefully laughed back at her until he realised he hadn't even seen the groom-to-be since his arrival – not that he particularly cared for Jake, but he was still concerned.

"So…can I ask? Where's Jake?"

Abby tilted her head until she realised that Carter was yet to run into Jake.

"Ohh right! Yeah, well he's at his parents until tomorrow. His brothers are organising his party and apparently have something very special planned" Abby added with a hint of sarcasm.

Carter laughed at her reply.

"A stripper perhaps?" Carter added, laughing.

"I hope he thinks so…"

Carter smiled at her until she had turned to go back into the kitchen to get rid of her now empty cup. He felt a sudden pang of guilt when he allowed himself to wish that Jake would sleep with the stripper and call off the wedding, or that his brothers would send him on a one-way trip to Australia, or better yet – the moon. He was snapped out of his wishful thinking by a knock escaping the front door. He darted his eyes towards the door then to Abby, who in turn had reacted the same way. Abby shrugged her shoulders at Carter as he made his way towards the door. He crept up to look through the hole in the door and smiled when he seen who was standing at the other side. He relaxed his tense shoulders as he opened the door.

"Guess who?" He chirped at Abby as Susan Lewis once and again stood in the threshold.

"Hey Carter" She said as she entered Abby's apartment.

"You're early" Abby stated sounding very surprised.

"And you look like crap…" Susan added.

Abby shot her friend a quick death glare before asking her

"What are doing here?"  
"I came to drop this off" Susan replied, placing a black suit-case on the back of her couch.

"But it's like 11 am" Abby added.

Susan rolled her eyes.

"Thank you Sherlock, I can tell the time!" She answered back. In response Abby smiled sarcastically as she ushered her to continue.

"I have so much to do today! I have like a whole bunch of crap to give to Weaver, then I have to pick up Cosmo and take him to Chuck's mom's, then final arrangements for tonight, then I need to get ready…" Susan rambled.

"Ok, ok!" Abby cut in.

Susan smiled at her friend in response.

"So….?" She asked, turning to face Carter. "What'd you two get up to last night?" She asked with a wink.

"She's funny isn't she?" Carter asked across to Abby.

"Very…almost too funny" Abby replied.

"Ohh! Denial!" Susan screeched from between her friends.

Both Abby and Carter laughed at Susan before they both steered her out of the apartment.

"Susan, go home!" Abby commanded as she laughed.

"Fine…but when it does happen…I wanna know" She smiled as she looked between Carter and Abby who stood at either side of her. Abby rolled her eyes and shut the door.

"Is that the dress?" Carter asked, motioning towards the black object that lay flat across the couch – trying to shift conversation from what could have been very awkward.

Abby smiled at him as she walked over to the dress.

"Uh…yeah, it is. I better go hang it up before it gets all crumpled." Abby said as she picked it up. She noticed Carter looking at it, through the cover.

"Do you wanna see it?" She asked him.

Carter laughed a little as he said: "well, yeah ok!"

Abby nodded her head as she unzipped the black cover to reveal a stunning white gown. She pulled it out and held it up to show Carter.

"Ta-da!" She smiled.

Carter's eyes widened at the mere thought of seeing her in it.

"It's…wow…"He stuttered, causing Abby to blush.

"Don't I get the runway view?" he asked with a smile. He couldn't help himself, he was well and truly under her spell – like so many times before. He could almost predict her answer before she so much as opened her mouth to speak.

"I'd rather not…Carter, sorry" She said sadly. "And besides, don't you think it would be kind of weird? You're my ex…"

"I'm also your friend" He added.

Abby hung her head in defeat. He was right, despite how much she wanted to admit it. Regardless of all of this she still didn't want to parade in front of him in her wedding dress, even though she didn't know why.

"you're right, but I don't want to have to steam it again…it's just too complicated…I don't want to have to steam it…so, you'll just have to wait until Sunday" She smirked.

Carter smiled at her and nodded his head. He laughed a little, to himself as he had found himself absorbed in a strange fantasy world in his head. This world was all too familiar to him, he had spent a great deal of time there over the last couple of years, especially when Abby was dating Luka. It was such a fantasy land that Luka had been deported and Carter was superman (minus the lycra) or at least, Abby's hero. He transported himself into this world whenever he was around her, and when they were dating – it was his escape from the million problems they always seemed to encounter. And now, in a time when he was "happily" married he was being transported into this great land where everything was the way he wanted it, nothing ever went wrong – it was perfect. With that in mind, Carter's heart, head and mouth all seemed to loose their connections, he would speak without thinking.

And that he did.

"Well, I suppose that's only fair" He smiled at Abby as he spoke. She smiled back at him before turning her attention back to the dress.

"The groom can't see the bride in her dress before the wedding…" He blurted out without thinking. Soon the words flooded back to him and shot him in the head. He stopped dead in his tracks when he realised what he had said. He spoke from his dream world for the first time in his life, and he knew he was going to pay the consequences and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't for the life of him work out why he said what he did.  
Abby stood motionless and for a brief moment Carter believed she hadn't heard him, but this was completely changed when she turned to face him – though she was yet to open her mouth.

Carter kept his eyes focused on the floor as he could feel Abby's eyes on him. With no other choice he opted for clueless ness. Using all his acting ability he shot Abby his best confused face as she stared at him, her mouth slightly open while her face threw him a totally bemused face.

"What?" He asked her, playing dumb.

"Wha…what..." She began to stutter. "What did you just say?".

* * *

) 


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Wha…what…what did you just say?"

Carter cleared his throat. "I said…I uhh…I was asking you if Jake had seen your dress yet" He stuttered as he spoke – quickly racking his brain for an alibi.

Abby screwed up her face and shook her head at him.

"No…no, you…you didn't say that John." Abby said.

Carter turned his head in frustration as he walked away towards the kitchen.

Abby, still in a state of confusion followed a few paces behind him. She would have been lying if she had said she wasn't surprised at what Carter had said – she was in shock. For the seconds that passed after he spoke she tried to convince herself she had heard wrong, or that she had merely imagined it - but no matter how hard she tried, it didn't work. She was well aware of what he had said, it kept going over and over in her head, but she couldn't understand why he had said it.

"Look Carter, I don't know what's going on with you, or what all of this is about – but I'd really like you to tell me" She spoke somewhat quietly – which surprised even herself.

Carter turned to face her and instead of speaking he simply shrugged his shoulders. Desperate for an answer, Abby continued.

"You can talk to me." She confirmed whilst Carter still remained mute. "John, please…" She pleaded. "What is all this?"

Carter sighed deeply before he threw his hands up in the air.

"It's you…" He shouted. "It's Kem, it's Susan, it's Paris, Chicago, Africa, it's everything that has happened, pushed up against everything that should have happened. It's what I wanted to happen and it's reality. It's my marriage, it's your marriage. It's every situation I've found myself in sine I got married. It's every night I lie awake thinking of you, it's every wrong decision I've made in my life and it's every word you've ever said to me. It's everything…"

Abby paused for a moment, taking in everything he had said. Carter stood, somewhat breathless, across from her – awaiting a reply.

"What are you talking about?" Abby asked.

Carter remained silent for a while before he spoke.

"you know? It's gotten to the point where I don't know anymore." He spoke through doubtful laughter. Abby stared at him as she tried to read his face – for once something she was so good at, but now she was now struggling.

"Is everything ok with you and Kem?"

"You don't get it do you?" Carter snapped back.

"No, I don't John and I'd really appreciate it if you would fill me in…" Abby carried on.

"You can't marry Jake!" Carter shouted, interrupting Abby.

Startled, Abby fired back. "Excuse me?"

"Look…" Carter sighed as he calmed down. "I just don't want you jumping into something you will regret…"

"John! We have been through this before. I am marrying Jake, okay? He loves me and I want to be with him." Abby said as she threw her hands in the air.

"I won't regret it. I'll be fine…" Abby added, a little bit calmer.

Carter shook his head. "I don't think you will be."

"Well, thank you for your wonderful insight there Mr. Fraud but I don't need it." She said in anger as she began to walk away from the couch.  
"Just drop it!" She added.

"No, I won't just 'drop it'!" Carter threw back at her. "You might be okay with being miserable the rest of your life, but I'm not!" He added.

"What makes you think for one second that I will be miserable." Abby retaliated.

"I am happy okay?...So it might not be the happiness I always wanted, but it's all I'm gonna get…" She continued.

"Abby…" Carter tried to interrupt.  
"No! Let me finish!" Abby snapped back. "Just because what?...you're having doubts or your marriage has hit the rocks…"  
"It's not hit the rocks" Carter added lucidly.

Abby shook her head. "Then what is all of this about John?" She asked him as she stared blankly at his face.  
"…because if you honestly expected me to have been sitting here waiting for you to come back for me so I could run back into your arms and we could live happily ever after, then…"  
"Then what Abby?" Carter shouted. "because you can't honestly expect me to believe that you love him. I know you, and I know you don't. Jake is a safe bet, and guess what Abby, you deserve so much more than that. You deserve to be with someone who loves you…and someone you love."

"Well, as nice as that sounds – it's not something I'm gonna get. I just can't have that…" Abby said as she shook her head, fighting back the tiny tear that began forming in the back of her eyes.

Carter shook his head. "Of course you can." Stated as Abby now began to shake her head again.

"Are you honestly telling me that you wouldn't want to? That you wouldn't want to call all of this off and run away?" He continued.

Abby stifled a laugh as she continued to shake her head. She then lifted her head and looked at Carter, laughing at him.

Defeated, Carter began to walk away.

"Look Abby, I get it ok?"  
"You get what?"

"You!" He shouted before sitting back on the couch, he leant forward as he began to speak.  
"Look, I know you do 'miserable' really well, I get that but you know you like being happy and I love seeing you happy…"

"Okay, Okay! But now you look. If I did run off into the sunset with you, what makes you think it would work huh?" Abby asked, filled with both anger and compassion.

John ran his hands through his hair before moving his mouth as though he was going to speak.

"…Cuz guess what?" Abby said before he could respond. "We suck in a relationship! Our relationship was awful! It was built on false hopes and everything we hate about ourselves. It had no sticking power!" Abby stated.

Carter realised what she was saying was right, but it still didn't change how he felt.

"So, I'll buy glue…"

"John!" Abby shook her head. "Ohh! And might I add…you're married!"

Carter had been paying such close attention to what Abby was saying that it had rendered him speechless. Abby grew tired of waiting for a response.

"We could have worked all of this out months ago in Paris, but we didn't."

"God knows I tried" Carter finally responded.

"No you didn't Carter. As always, we both danced around the subject until it was too late. And besides, if you knew you felt like this then why did you go ahead with it?" Abby asked.

"Because!" He started. "You so clearly didn't. You we're so set on marring Jake!"

"Only because I couldn't marry you" Abby blurted out, in a vain attempt to get him to stop yelling.

"What?" He asked her, somewhat taken aback with what she had just said. Once she had spoken, Abby began to calm down. She left the kitchen area and slowly made her way towards the couch. She sat down beside Carter before continuing.

"When you left for Africa…" She started slowly before being interrupted.

"What time?"  
She smiled at Carter. "The third time." She stated. "Well, when you went I guess I realised that I had…lost you" She spoke calmly. Carter began to pay even closer attention as he sat up on the couch, ready for her to continue.

"So…uhh, well when Jake came back I guess I just thought I should stick it out with him, you know? It's not perfect – but it's the closest I'm gonna get" She smiled sadly.  
Carter leaned forward and in aggravation, he ran his fingers through his hair.

"God Abby! Why don't you understand that you deserve to have so much more than that? You shouldn't have to stick it out with anyone. You should be with someone who really loves you…" Carter pleaded as he felt like he was spilling her heart out to her – something he hadn't done in a long time, if he had even done it the first time round.

"Jake does love me Carter. Why won't you understand that?" She mimicked him – although equally as serious as he was.

Carter ignored her attempt to prove him wrong. He continued:  
"…and someone who you love back, someone you want to be with – someone you need to be with. The person you think about when you wake up, the person that every song on the radio reminds you of. The person you know you should be with." Carter stated the last point ever-so-quietly as tears were beginning to form in the back of his eyes as he continued to speak. Abby had started to cry, only little tears to begin with – but they soon got bigger as Carter continued to speak.

"Well I can't be with him, now can I?" Abby spoke through her tears. "He's half way around the world and he's married." She added as she continued to let a few stray tears fall from her eyes. Carter didn't dare speak – instead he kept his eyes focused on Abby, sensing she wasn't quite finished; and that she wasn't.

"He just doesn't belong with me" She said sadly.

Carter sat up and shook his head softly, fighting back the tears in the back of his eyes.

"…and how do you know that?" He added.

* * *

The next update might not be for a while - hopefully not too long. School started back...nuff said. 


	8. Chapter 7

Thanks for the reviews guys - reallyappreciated. Sorry, in advance for this chapter. I hit a big big brick wall and this is basically me trying to get over it. **

* * *

**

**Chapter 7**

Although it was Abby's last night with her friends she didn't seem to be enjoying herself as she should have been. In reality it was her much younger friend, Neela who was having the most fun and attracting the most attention – as she continued to cause utter chaos around the bar. The would be elders – Abby and Susan had found a much quieter corner of the bar, one where they could not only watch the party before them; they could also talk without the constant interruptions of a rather rowdy Neela. Hidden in their corner they sat discussing very complex matters.

"…and then what happened?"

"I asked him to leave – told him to go find a hotel or something…"

In response to Abby's latest statement, Susan threw her a very surprised look.

"It's okay! I think he owns one…" Abby replied as a joke.

"Abby!" Susan shouted.

"What? It was going to be too awkward anyway" Abby said rather "matter of a fact".

Susan nodded her head softly before giving Abby a very confused look. She couldn't quite understand how it could have possibly gotten any more uncomfortable.

"Oh come on Susan!" Abby said.  
"Jake's home tomorrow and, I dunno, I guess the idea of me, my fiancé and my ex shacking up doesn't exactly sound like fun."  
Susan nodded her head again, this time in agreement as she finally understood what Abby had meant. She still on the other hand couldn't quite work out what was going on with her two friends. She couldn't understand how or why they had fought even though Abby had told her how it all started. Susan knew Carter was right and she couldn't believe that Abby hadn't seen how right he was.

"Do you know where he went?"

Abby shrugged her shoulders. "Nope"

"So…you haven't spoken to him?"

"Not since the fight and I told him to leave" Abby stated.

Un-aware of exactly what had been said between the two of them Susan began to assume what had went on – knowing that once Carter starts, he can't stop; everything finds a way of coming out.

"So, I'm guessing you found out about Kem?" Susan asked, convinced that topic had come up.

Abby gave Susan a bewildered face. "Found out what exactly?"  
Susan tilted her head. "You don't know do you?"  
"Know what?" Abby replied, elevating her voice.

Susan's stomach turned, she didn't want to have to be the person to tell Abby – she had to hear it from Carter.

"It's nothing…" Susan spoke quietly as she shook her head.

Abby laughed doubtfully as she said "If it was nothing, then why did you bring it up?"

"Carter should be the one to tell you" Susan stated, certain she wasn't going to blab anymore than she had already done.

"…ok. I guess" Abby said as she looked down onto the table. She put her hand on her straw and began to stir her soda.

* * *

John Carter was thankful he hadn't unpacked at Abby's apartment on arrival, but then again, it wasn't like he knew things would have gone the way they did. As he walked through the long corridor his thoughts were not of his wife, alone in their home halfway around the world – instead he thought of the last woman he fought with. He thought of what could have happened, or more what wouldn't have happened had he just went to a hotel in the first place. Their fight replayed in his head a thousand times and he cringed at the many, many things he knew he shouldn't have said. Soon his thoughts drifted to Kem and what had been said between the two of them. Thoughts of what he wished he could have taken back and things he wished he had said. As he made his way into his new home for the next few days his head continued to churn. He threw his bag on the floor and quickly inspected the room – checking the bathroom and the closets. He then sat on the bed and slowly allowed himself to drift off again.

He began to regret how he had left things; how he wished he had just stopped what he was doing and taken her in his arms. He wished he hadn't allowed her to tell him to leave – he wished he had just stayed. He sat praying that she would forgive him, hoping that they could have a civilised conversation and talk things through – anything to over-ride the truths that came out whilst they fought, although there were many things he was glad he had said. He was aching to talk to her. John Carter quickly glanced at his watch and worked out that she wouldn't be home, instead he knew exactly what he would do. He reached over to the other side of the bed and picked up the phone.

"_Hey, you have reached Abby. Thanks for calling and if I don't answer this I'm probably at work so, just leave a message."_

"Hey Abby, it's John – I just wanted to say sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did and I just…can we talk? Ok, I know you're not in so can you just call me at the hotel. Bye."

* * *

"_Hey Abby, it's John – I just wanted to say sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did and I just…can we talk? Ok, I know you're not in so can you just call me at the hotel. Bye."_

Abby placed her keys on the table as she listened to the message play – pausing when she realised who was talking. She stood staring at her phone as John's voice played out to her. For a moment she thought of calling him back but she quickly changed her mind – knowing she just couldn't face him, or face hearing what he had to say. Her head was in a thousand different places at once. She felt as though she was being pulled in four different directions at the one time and she was about ready to pop. Until Carter had shown up Abby had been happy, or at least she was getting there. She had put her feelings for Carter aside and was fully ready to move on. She had spent the first few days back home reflecting on what had went on. She wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing. Every time she thought of calling the thing with Jake off she stopped – knowing that whether she was with Jake or not, she'd still want something more. In those days she had played through every possible case scenario in her head; _what if Carter comes back? What if he doesn't? What if Jake runs off? What if Maggie re-surfaces? What if… _

She was tired; tired of thinking of Carter, tired of pushing Jake out, tired of lying to herself and everyone else around her. Instead, she let it out – spilling her heart and her soul onto the only friend that would understand the situation – Susan. She told her about Carter and Paris, and about how she felt about Jake. She spoke of what had been said between herself and Carter in Paris and about the phone calls – about how nervous she always seemed to be whenever he phoned; terrified of what would happen if Jake found out. His jealousy could get pretty extreme at times and he had already sensed something wasn't right between Carter and Abby. Jake knew something had gone on in Paris and he knew it had affected Abby – for that alone he felt some resentment towards Carter.

Abby was well aware of how Jake felt towards Carter. She knew he already suspected something even though they both knew it was impossible, granted he was 3000 miles away. In a sense, Abby feared Jake's reaction to Carters early arrival, especially if he was to have found out that he had already seen Abby.

She looked at the clock sitting by the side of her couch and tried to calculate how long it would be until Jake got back, how long it would be until the wedding, and how long it would be before Carter would leave. She was desperate to see the back of him once and again – to say goodbye to him and the awful feelings he brought with him. If he was out of sight, he was out of mind…

* * *


	9. Chapter 8

This is technically two chapters, but I don't think they work as individual chapters so I've just combined them.  
Very badly writen, I know - I'm just trying to get over a massive spell of writers block. It's not been fun but please please review.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed.

* * *

Chapter 8

Making his way up the three floors that led to his fiancé's apartment Jake found himself worried. He was worried of Abby's reaction to his return – not that she could have found out something of the bachelor party, because he had actually been good. She had been different that night at his parents – distant almost; and he feared she would be the same way again. He hadn't seen her so distant since their trip to Paris; the one trip he had hated the most. He always knew she carried 18 tonnes of baggage but he was never entirely sure of its contents until, of course, Paris. She had been so quiet and un-enthusiastic about everything. She had acted as though the life had been sucked from her. It took him a good few days before he realised the source of the problem.

You see, Abby had been stranger than normal. She had been down and out in Paris, finding it hard to watch the love of her life walk down the isle with someone else and whether she knew it or not she was jeopardising her own relationship simultaneously. Jake was a jealous man and he was very possessive over Abby. He was incredibly forward and normally spoke out about what was bothering him, and once both Jake and Abby were safely on their way home he had found an opportune moment to confront Abby.

_  
"What's the deal with you and Carter?" Jake asked._

"_Excuse me?" Abby replied. _

"_It's just; well what happened with you two? Because whether you know it or not, you act totally different when you're around him."_

"_No, I don't Jake." She snapped back, fearing he was beginning to notice how she was feeling._

"_Abby, you do. You spent the last week sulking around and barely speaking to me, and now all of a sudden you're back to normal." He replied. _

"_It was nothing…just jet lag or something." She spoke anxiously. _

"_I'll be the same way once we get home; I guess I don't cope well with travel" Abby added. _

_Jake glared at her in reply; too frustrated to produce a reply. He turned his attention from her once he had realised she wasn't going to speak again. Both Abby and Jake sat staring straight ahead of them for a while until Jake broke the silence once again. _

"_It's Carter isn't it?" He asked accusingly. _

"_What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Abby snapped back. _

"_You! What's been bothering you. It's Carter, it's always Carter…"Jake continued._

"…_and what the hell is **that** supposed to mean" and replied. _

"_He's your ex…" Jake started._

"…_yeah, you're right he is my ex so I really don't understand what any of this has to do with him!" Abby began to raise her voice. _

_Jake sensed her anger and instead of pressing on with his allegations he stopped to allow Abby to calm down.  
Together they sat in silence watching the small screens in front of them – laughing casually every now and then. They both picked at their in-flight meal and both tried to sleep before Abby had calmed down enough to talk to Jake. _

"_I guess I was just finding it hard to say goodbye…" She spoke softly and quietly. _

_Jake turned his head and smiled at her, thankful for her honesty. That was all Jake really needed to know. He didn't want the details of anything else that might have happened, terrified of what they might be.  
He stretched his arm out and hugged Abby before letting her fall onto his shoulder to sleep. He soon followed her lead and fell asleep comforted by the knowledge that Carter was a million miles away from him, and most importantly – Abby. _

* * *

With one hand he put his relatively heavy suitcase down and with the other he simultaneously knocked on the door. He stood and listened for any movement inside. He heard nothing and instead of getting his key out he continued to bash on the door. Once and again he waited for some movement and once and again he heard nothing. He began to rummage about in his pockets until he produced a small key out of his back pocket. He put it in the lock and opened the door to find an empty apartment.

"Abby?" He called out as he placed his key on the counter and pulled his suitcase in from outside.

"Abs you in here?" He continued.

With no response he began to move around the apartment to check she hadn't fallen asleep anywhere. He quickly scanned the kitchen and Living Room, followed by him sticking his head in the bedroom. Unsuccessful in his quest he returned to the Living Room and sat on the couch. As he leant back to rest his head he hit his head off something hanging over the couch. He leaned forward and pulled the dark jersey from the couch. He examined it for a while, trying to work out whether or not it was his. It was far too small to be his. His mind began to race trying to work out why a guy's sweater would be in his apartment, especially if it wasn't his. He then began to think of anyone who could have left it – ruling out Luka since it was far too small. _It looks like something Carter would wear _he joked inside his head before stopping, realising what he had said was bang on target. He clenched the sweater in his hands before groaning in frustration.

* * *

"You're home!" Abby exclaimed as she entered her apartment.

Jake smiled in response.

"Now, that's the kind of welcome I could easily get used to" He replied as he stretched his arms out and took her into a hug.

"Miss me?" He asked before leaning in for a kiss.

Abby smiled at him and shook her head.

"Nah…I had some company" She winked jokingly.

Jake laughed a little though he was gritting his teeth.

"Oh yeah, anyone I know?" He asked, playing along with the joke.

Abby smirked as she thought of telling him the truth before quickly disregarding that thought.

"Yeah, actually. Frank!"

Jake half laughed in reply as he was somewhat disappointed that she hadn't used that opportunity to tell him about who he only suspected to be Carter. He continued to smile at her as he thought of his next action.

"Why are you smiling like that?" She asked him.

"Frank, right?" He asked looking for confirmation.

Abby rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Of course. He's always been my bit on the side" She laughed a little as she spoke.

And as she did so Jake moved towards the couch and picked up the navy sweater and held it in front of Abby's face.

"It's just, this is a little small for Frank isn't it?"

* * *

"Good to be back home?" Jack Carter asked his son, standing from the doorway of his house.

"Yeah…it's a little weird too" Carter replied as he ran his right hand through his hair before continuing to wander through his home – running his hand over the dusty table tops on his way by.

"You know, you could have hired a housekeeper while you were away…" Jack said.

"Dad…" Carter groaned.

Jack rolled his eyes and smiled at his son. "Right"

He then followed his son in inspecting the house that had been left dormant for so long. There was a funny smell to the place, almost like stale air freshener. Once Carter had made his way into the kitchen the smell had become to much for him and he opened the window.

"So how was Europe?"

"Great. I spent some time in Paris." Jack replied. Carter smiled and nodded his head in response.

"Sorry I wasn't here when you got here" Jack said apologetically "Why did you come out early?" He asked.

Carter laughed doubtfully and shook his head.

"Uhh…Kem and I got into a fight and uhh, I just figured I'd hide out here for a bit." Carter smiled at his father – trying to assure him that nothing was wrong.

"Was the hotel comfortable?" Jack asked in hope of dodging the topic he was so sure his son didn't want him to bring up.

Carter nodded his head. "Yeah, it was great – besides I was only there one night…"

"One Night?" Jack exclaimed. "I thought you got out here on Monday." He added.

Carter shifted his weight as he stood and again ran his right hand behind his neck.

"I did. I uhh…I stayed with Abby"

"Abby? Does Kem know?" Jack asked

"Dad…" Carter groaned.

"Well does she?" He added, refusing to let the question go.

"No!" Carter snapped. "…and I don't care of she does" Once he had finished speaking he began to wish he hadn't opened his mouth to begin with.

"Are you ok?"

Carter sighed before pulling a chair out from under the breakfast table. He shook his head as he sat down.

"She doesn't trust me…" Carter said quietly.

"Who doesn't?...Kem?"

Carter laughed a little as he nodded his head in confirmation.

He sighed again before continuing with his story.

"She thinks I'm hung up on Abby. She doesn't like me keeping in contact with her…"  
"That's understandable" Jack butted in.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, how would you feel if Kem phoned her ex every day?"

Carter shook his head and screwed up his face.

"She's my best friend, dad; I miss her out there."

Jack smiled at his son, noting how compassionate he was.

"Do you love her?" Jack asked

"Yeah…I know I shouldn't, but I don't think I ever have stopped loving her…and I know I'm married, and she's getting married…it's just…"

"John! I was asking you if you love Kem…"

* * *

"How long was he here for?"

"Three days; two nights…"

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Oh my god…" Abby said in shock. "No I didn't sleep with him" She snapped.

Jake paused for a moment and smiled to himself.

"You're lying." He said full of contempt.

"You know, I don't have the energy to fight this one out – I thought you knew me better than that" She said sadly.

"Don't make this about me." He replied. "So where is he?"  
"Hotel I think…" Abby replied quietly.

"What hotel?"

"I don't know" She spoke a little louder.

Jake shook his head at her as his face grew redder with anger.

Abby sat watching his reaction, her brain ticking over a thousand times a minute trying to work out what he'd do next.

"Why are you so threatened by him?" She asked, her face also bursting with anger.

Jake pretended not to have heard her. He continued to search the apartment for something he wasn't sure of. She asked him again and this time, instead of ignoring her he turned and faced her, hitting his hand off the back of the couch.

"Because, you're still in love with him!"

Abby jumped back, afraid of what he'd do next. She stared into his eyes, hoping he'd calm down even though, at the same time her head and her heart were screaming that he was right. Her breathing got heavier as he began to move towards her and for once she was actually frightened of him. His jealous paranoia had finally taken over. Before he could get any closer to her she grabbed her coat from the hook and ran out the door.

Jake thought of chasing after her for a moment, but instead realised he needed to calm down – aware that he had frightened her.

* * *

"What are you gonna do?"

"I dunno…I guess I just need to think"

Jack nodded his head in agreement as he reached his hand up to his sons shoulder and gently rubbed it.

"Do you want to know what I think?" He asked.

"Sure. What have I got to loose" Carter replied quietly.

"I think you need to stop thinking of the right thing to do. I think you need to stop worrying about what everyone else wants and focus on you. What do you want?"

Carter smiled at his father before nodding his head.

He watched as his father stood up from the table and make his way through to the living room. Carter quickly followed him. Jack Carter collected his belongings and made his way to the front door – leaving his son alone with his thoughts. Carter tried his hardest to come up with an answer to his fathers question as he prepared to leave.  
Jack Carter reached for the door and just as he opened it he heard his son call out.

"I want…Abby"

Jack nodded his head and smiled at his son.

"Then go get her"


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

That river was special to both of them and it was perhaps why they had both found themselves gravitating towards it in this extremely confusing time of their lives. That river was lined with over 100 identical benches, yet out of the hundred both Carter and Abby had a favourite. One they had spent many a lunch break on, one they had used on the hot summer days and the one that always seemed to be included in every important discussion they seemed to have had. It was perhaps for these reasons that by the time Abby had made it to her favourite spot in the city she found him resting on what was commonly known as "their bench". She paused, standing a few feet away from him and their bench. She couldn't bring herself to sit next to him. She needed to be alone, or at least away from him. He was what she had to think about.  
Simultaneously, Carter sat on their bench and looked out to the river. His mind was running at a thousand miles per hour as he tried to work out what to do. He needed to talk to her and it was that which had brought him out to their bench. She always seemed to be there, whether he came down to the bench at 3 o clock in the morning in the middle of a graveyard shift or if he was their at 3 o clock in the afternoon with Kem. When he needed her she was there, sitting on their bench whether she knew it or not. After the baby died he had wanted to talk to her so badly but he couldn't bring himself to do it - for some reason he found himself embarrassed and couldn't face reaching out to her; even though it was what he needed the most. Instead he came down to the bench and spoke to her in his head. He allowed himself to think about everything that had been bothering him and everything that was going on in his life. In the end he was confident in his decision as he was so sure Abby had helped him through it. Yet in reality, had Abby had an input in his decision chances are it would have been a thousand times different.

She made her way towards the bench, tired of standing on her own, and sat down beside him. He took his eyes from the water and locked them with hers. For several minutes they remained like this – silent, sitting, contently looking at one another and for a while no one dared to break the silence. Everything that needed to be said didn't matter for those few minutes, both we're content in just being.

Before long their eyes lost focus and both their heads turned to face the river. Abby sighed.

"I just need to think…" She spoke quietly.

Carter nodded his head in both understanding and in agreement with what she had just said.

"Yeah…uhh me too." He sighed as he spoke.

"I would go some place else, but uhh…"  
"Yeah, I know."

They both smiled at one another, though still not taking their eyes from the water and together they sat on their own – almost ignoring one another for what felt like hours.  
Every now and again, when she popped into his mind, Carter found himself turn and look at Abby though she never returned his gaze. He did this more often than he realised – she always seemed to be on his mind; both here in Chicago and in Africa.

* * *

"_Merci Amy" Carter spoke as best he could, although his American accent always seemed to come across. _

"_I speak English, Dr. Carter" She replied with a smirk._

_Carter laughed a little as he shook his head. "Sorry, I'm not used to American patients any more" _

_She laughed quietly at him as he stood up. He pulled off the rubber gloves that had been on his hand for a long time and scrunched them up into a ball as he made his way from the patient's bed. As he tossed the gloves into the nearby trash can as his wife brushed by him._

"_Hey" he smiled._

"_Hey back" She smiled in return. _

"_Why are you treating her?" Kem asked, pointing in the direction of Amy, the American patient. _

"_Uh…I was told too" Carter said, confused. "She's American."_

_Kem nodded her head. "I know. She's been out her for a while – she and I came to be good friends while you were back in Chicago." Kem stated as she waved over to her. _

"_I'm going to go say hello" Kem said as she began to walk away from Carter._

_Before she got too far away Carter leaned back and caught her arm and brought her back beside him. _

"_Could you tell Abby that I'll be back in about 20 minutes to dress her wound" Carter smiled, before leaning in to give Kem a parting kiss._

"_Sure thing…and her name is Amy, John." Kem stated bluntly as she ignored his advance and walking away. _

"_What did I say?" Carter shouted back as she walked away.  
"Abby…" Kem said through gritted teeth. _

_Carter's eyes stuck out like a cat caught in headlights as he laughed nervously before turning and leaving as quickly as he could. _

_  
_It wasn't the first time he'd ever done that nor was it the first time he had done it in front of Kem. Once he hada full conversation with a woman, calling her Abby to her face when in reality her name was no where near Abby. She did, however, look a hell of a lot like Abby and for a while, before he had realised it wasn't Abby, Carter found himself chasing after her until of course, he realised that Abby would never come to Africa, and even if she did – why would she want to see him.

* * *

Her hair was completely windswept and her eyes were beginning to water. The intensity of her surroundings we're finally having their effect on her – the strangely bright Autumn sun shone onto the river and like a mirror, bounced straight back off it. Her breathing was slow and her face was sombre.  
He sat beside her with the strong beams of sunlight casting shadows over his face. He could feel her next to him – he could feel her breathing and every time her eyes moved. He sighed and took in a deep breath.

She had been the rock in his life and though they both hit the bottom together they had worked their way back up again – or at least they thought they had. She was his shield, something to hide behind and block anything negative from back home. Maybe he put too much on her or, alternatively, not enough. It was a whirlwind and now it was a gentle breeze. The longer he spent with her the more real it became and in this case reality wasn't what he wanted – at least not with her; his hearts desire lay on the other side of the world.

_The heart wants what it wants_

He was her backup, her safety net or even her last chance. He was safe, reliable and most importantly – he was fun. He loved her but she had trouble feeling the same. There relationship always had an elephant in the room and when said elephant was finally in the mix he caught a short glimpse of what he was missing. She never looked at him in the way she looked at the other. She was so sure of herself – certain she was doing the right thing in getting married despite how wrong it felt.

_The heart wants what it wants_

Fate had brought them both to Country General and it was fate that they became friends; fate brought them together and tore them apart and it was fate that had brought them together, once and again, today on the river banks.

* * *

For the first time in too long she moved her head and turned to face him. She waited for his reaction and actually found herself smiling when he turned his head and looked at her. She nervously glanced away before returning her eyes to his.

"Can we go for a walk?" She asked quietly, in respect of the silence they just shared.

He smiled at her and gently nodded his head. They sat a while longer, both anxiously awaiting the others movement until he finally stood up. He stepped to the side until he stood before her and in reaching out his hand he pulled her up from the bench.

Once and again they were motionless, standing opposite one another – their eyes locked. Abby smiled at him before tilting her head.

"Come on" she still spoke quietly, almost as though she was afraid of anyone hearing her.

They walked side by side down a great length of the river bank barely speaking – only passing comments on their surroundings. They continued to walk like this for a while before Abby plucked up the courage to ask him something she'd been wanting to ask him since he arrived.

She took a deep breath before she spoke.  
"What's going on with you and Kem?" She looked concerned.  
Carter stopped and smiled, knowing that question would have came up at some point. He shook his head a little.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"How about the beginning?"

He sighed. "We uhh…I think we're falling apart…" He ran his hand through his hair and down to the back of his neck. "I know we're falling apart." He confirmed, solemnly nodding his head.

Abby stopped for a moment. "I'm sorry, John."

He smiled discretely in response to her calling him John. He loved hearing her call him by his first name more than anyone else - there was just something about the way she said it.

They continued to walk, not speaking for a while – Abby absorbing everything she had just heard.

"Why?" She asked, speaking softly.

Carter stopped and looked at Abby and instead of answering he merely smiled at her and subtly raised his eyebrows. Abby felt her self blush a little until she was over come with an odd sense of guilt.

"Me?" She raised her voice, though still speaking relatively quietly.

Carter smiled again and as he did he shrugged his shoulders.

Abby shook her head. "But I live here, and you're there, and it's…well it's impossible. Wha…why?" She spoke slowly as she stuttered it out.

Carter laughed to himself as he shook his head gently.

"She thinks I'm still in love with you…"Carter said very quietly, he waited for a moment to try and gage Abby's reaction but she didn't move; her eyes were fixed on the ground – almost as though she was refusing to look at him. When she didn't respond Carter continued.

"…pretty crazy huh?" He laughed very nervously.

Abby felt her eyes water but she pushed the tears back into her eyes as she raised her head and looked at him. She painfully smiled at him.

"Is it really?" She sighed.

Now it was his turn to avoid her and in doing so he turned and looked out onto the river beside them.

Abby stuck her neck out, trying to catch his eye.

"Hey! …look at me" She begged.

He breathed in and in doing so he turned back to Abby. He smiled gently at her and shrugged his shoulders.

Abby shook her head.

"You know…this could have all been sorted out a long time ago…but now, it uhh…" She spoke slowly, her voice breaking as she spoke.

"It what?" Carter added.

Abby shook her head violently.

"You're married"  
"I know!" Carter shouted.

"…and I'm getting married…tomorrow!" Abby shouted back at him.

Carter smiled smugly and shook his head, almost laughing.

"John…tell me what you want" Abby spoke gently, sounding concerned.

Carter shook his head and smiled. "I want you" He spoke with a slight sense of confidence in his voice.

Disgusted, Abby laughed at him and as she went to speak she sighed.

"Well you could have had me a long time ago…but you didn't and uhh…you ran away and chose Kem" She spoke with an angry tone in her voice.

Carter was getting slightly angry with her.

"I didn't choose her!" He spoke loudly. "…we were having a baby" He added somewhat quieter.

Again, Abby laughed at him.

"Ohh that's right: John Carter – everyone's knight in shinning armour – here to save the day!" Abby replied sarcastically.

"…don't" Carter said quietly, almost embarrassed.

Abby sighed and with a lack of energy she gave up.

"You know what… I can't do this" She stated before turning her back and walking away from him, lifting her left arm in the air as a sign of defeat as she walked away.

"That's right Abby…walk away, it's what you're good at" Carter shouted after her.

She stopped and stood still for a moment before turning round and walking quickly back up to him.

"Don't make this about me" She said angrily.

"But it is about you!" He shouted at her, just as angry.

He grabbed her by the arm as he walked towards the railing lining the river. He brought her beside him as he leaned over and looked at the water.

"Look…I want to be with you…forever. I want the white picket fence, the Labrador, the SUV and the 2.4 kids. I want it all…and I want it with you" He said softly and most importantly – sincerely.

Abby, who had been watching the water pass below her, brought her head up and locked her eyes with Johns. She could feel her eyes watering up as he spoke and now she was on the verge of tears.

She swallowed. "What about Kem?"

Carter shrugged his shoulders sadly.

"I don't know. I thought I loved her…and in ways I guess I did, or I do…but uhh…" He stammered, trying his hardest to be honest with her but he knew talking about Kem wouldn't help him, or her.

He took in a deep breath and in doing so gained some confidence in his voice.

"Okay…I believe there's one person out there for everyone…ok? And sometimes you don't know a good thing till its gone, you know?"

"John…" Abby tried to interrupt.

Carter lifted his hand by way of telling her to let him finish speaking.

"I just…" He sighed

"It's always gonna be there isn't it?" he paused and looked at her. She tilted her head, waiting for him to continue.

"…you and me"

She smiled a littler and lowered her head before nodding gently.

"…and I guess I'm just tired of running from it." He smiled at her.

"I've spent the last two years trying to avoid it, going with Kem – the safer option and as much as I have tried…it's not the same." He finished.  
Abby smiled to herself – thankful for his honest outburst and also, because of what he had said and despite her best intentions and her conscience she couldn't help but feel the same, and in spite of all of this she was unable to say a word.

She turned away from him and took her attention back to the river. She needed time to absorb everything he had said and everything she was feeling. Her head was slowly becoming more and more overwhelmed. Carter had brought himself closer to her as he leaned in and spoke.

"Abby…I love you" he said it so quiet that only she could hear him. Abby remained motionless; convincing Carter that she hadn't heard him at all. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for her to respond.

Abby felt a tiny tear roll down her cheek as she took a deep breath. Carter was growing more and more anxious all the time.

"Did you hear me?" He asked her, speaking at a normal volume.

She jumped when he spoke, catching her somewhat off guard and as she kept her head down she nodded. She could feel his eyes on her, begging her to talk to him – but she couldn't.

Another tear rolled down her face as she brought her head up, still not looking at him – allowing her eyes to look over his shoulder.

When she finally looked at him her face was water stained from the tears and before he could reach up and wipe them away she turned her head again.

"I can't do this…" She said quietly, almost as though she was afraid of him hearing her and before he had the chance to respond she had walked away, leaving him alone by the river watching after her.

* * *

I write - you review. Thanks guys ) 


	11. Chapter 10

Thanks to everyone who reviewed.  
Sorry for taking so long to update this, things have just beena bit hectic.  
Not much of the fic left to write, should have an ending soon.

so anyway, enough of my rambling.  
**

* * *

**

**Chapter 10 **

It had started raining. She had left without thinking and had wound up with no where to go and in needing someone to talk to she turned to the only person she could. Her mind was in a trance so instead of catching the _el_ or driving she walked in the pouring rain – replaying everything that had just happened and of course, adding in everything she wished she had done when she had the chance. Her face was soaked with both tears and rain when she slowly walked towards the house; it was funny how the weather seemed to reflect her mood, even if it was purely coincidental. She lifted her hand out from under her water clogged coat and brought it up to the door and knocked with all the force she could muster. No response. She knocked again, harder – still with no response. She quickly glanced around her, checking the road behind her and when she saw no sign of life she slowly slumped herself down onto the step, resting her head against the door.

She had walked away from him; it was after all her specialty and he knew it. She had counted the numerous times she had left him standing alone and felt ashamed. She was ashamed at her manner and lack of self confidence – especially when it came to him…or any confrontation, of any sort, with him. She was overwhelmed and for the majority of the time she was always afraid and disappointed - disappointed in herself. That was the most important bit. When they were together she constantly felt an overwhelming need to impress him and show him everything she was – or more, everything she wanted to be. When it hit the rocks he knew, what Abby believed to be, the real her. A dawning realisation made when _he_ was disappointed in _her_; and far too big of a burden came with that and for once it was John Carter who walked away.

He loved her. John Carter loved her, Abby…plain old Abby; with the screwed up family and the even more screwed up history. As she sat on her friends step she replayed that moment over and over again – again working out as many hypothetical situations as she could, praying for a time machine to be invented so she could go back and tell him what she needed to say.

* * *

The water was unusually murky, almost dirty in parts but it was still riveting and all time consuming. He had been standing at the river bank for far too long, his legs were beginning to strain and his back was aching from leaning over the railing for so long but he still refused to move. His thoughts were lost in the river, passing through his head like the water passed by him. The wind blow strong, so strong that he was sure he hadn't blinked in hours – his eyes dried up from the wind. At some point he had felt the wind change, anticipating rain, but he still remained on the river bank. There was just something so therapeutic about that place, something almost tranquil and heavenly about it – even though it was right in the centre of Chicago. Sirens went off in the background and every now and again traffic noise would emerge from behind the buildings but none of that was head by him. All he could hear was the water. 

She had walked away from him; it was after all what she was good at, he almost expected it. He had turned to watch her walk away, longing for her to turn around and face him; but she didn't. He was disappointed in her. He knew her and he knew how she worked, and most importantly, he knew when she was happy. She wasn't happy – not with Jake. There was a glisten in her eye, unknown to most, when she was truly happy. She would glow, beam with radiance – and that smile, it lit up the whole room. She used to smile like that when she was with him. He loved that. He loved her. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman in love and John Carter knew that all to well. She was beautiful around him, well more beautiful than usual; she shone and lit up the room. She didn't do that around Jake. Maybe he had missed his chance with her and now it was time to move on. He thought he had moved on, when if anything all he had done was distanced himself from what he needed most. Africa was a surreal experience. It was how he blocked himself from Chicago – and Abby. Their relationship was hanging on by its last threads when, to add salt to a serious wound, he left. He needed to clear his head and take some much needed "me" time. Africa offered that and when he came back to her she was cold, harsh and above all things – hurt. He had never hurt her in that way before – that was usually her job. Abby Lockhart was good at many things, and disappointing was ranked first place. John Carter was safe, reliable, trustworthy and sincere. When he knew he had hurt the one person he loved most his world stopped turning and instead of "fixing" himself, and their relationship he walked away.

He loved her, John Carter loved Abby Lockhart, even with her screwed up family and history, and every other fault she carried around with her. In that one moment all that mattered was her, Kem was nothing but a distant memory and Jake, well Jake was just a blip on the radar. If he knew Abby, and he was certain he did, then he knew Jake wouldn't be that hard to get rid of.

Chicago weather was pretty predictable, and just like he had anticipated; it started raining. As he finally detached himself from the river bank he started making his way to the one place he knew he needed to be. He needed to work out what to do, and with that in mind he got to his old, tattered Jeep and heading in the direction of Susan.

* * *

It was getting cold and Abby was getting impatient. She had been sitting outside Susan's building for all of 15 minutes but was already restless; the ever dropping temperatures were not exactly making it easy. But she waited. Susan would tell her what to do, she was the only person, besides Carter, who understood the situation and would, hopefully, give Abby her honest opinion and tell her the right thing to do. Then, at that moment a car slowed and came to a halt outside Susan's building 

"Abby?" Susan said in surprise as she ran from her car to the door, trying to shelter herself from the rain.

"Hey" Abby replied, standing up.

Susan slowed herself as she made her way up the stairs leading to her door.

"You're soaked! Is everything ok?" She exclaimed.

Abby nodded her head and pushed her damp hair off her face as Susan slid in beside her and opened the door.

"Come inside and we'll talk, ok?" Susan said tenderly.

"Sure" Abby smiled before following Susan into the apartment.

Susan's place wasn't new but it had an almost over-bearing smell of fresh paint. Cosmo's toys littered the entire apartment; motherhood really seemed to suit Susan and in a way it made her jealous.

"So…" Susan started, as she sat down on her sofa. "What's up?"

Once seated opposite Susan, Abby grunted and shook her head. Susan tilted her head in concern for her friend.

"What is it?" She asked again.

Abby cleared her throat before she spoke. "I need you advice on something."

Susan smiled. "Sure Abby, anything. What is it?"

Abby shifted her weight as she sat on the sofa and inadvertently watched her feet. Although she wanted to, hell, needed to tell Susan what was going on she was finding it hard to bring it out in words.

"Abby..?" Susan said quietly as she moved and sat beside her.

Abby kept her head down at her feet and tried to find a way of telling Susan what had went on without bursting into tears, but it was too late.

She lifted her head, exposing her tear stained eyes and sighed. "He told me he loves me"

Without any further explanation, because nothing more needed to be said; Susan brought her arm around Abby's back and pulled into a hug, allowing her to cry on her shoulder until she could speak again.

Susan didn't need Abby to tell her who she was talking about. The only person who had the ability to make Abby cry was John Carter. Of course he loved her; he always had and Susan had always known it. For a brief moment she even found herself smiling to herself, thinking that now things might end up how they had always meant to. She had never seen Abby like this before; she had never even seen her cry. Abby always put herself across in indestructible when really; she was probably more vulnerable and insecure than anyone could understand.

Abby raised her head from her friends shoulder, having finally found the strength to talk. Susan turned and looked Abby in the eye, waiting for her to speak.

"I don't know what to do." She said softly.

Susan looked at her sadly. "What do you mean?"

Abby shook her head. "My wedding is tomorrow, you know? And I can't leave Jake…not now…that's not fair on him"

"That's bullshit Abby, and you know it!" Susan chirped in, somewhat angry at her although she kept her voice relatively low.

Abby jerked her head at Susan, almost taken aback by her outburst.

"If you stay with him then you're not only being completely unfair to yourself, but to Jake…and Carter!"

Abby nodded her head gently, understanding and accepting what she was being told.

"Do what's in your heart" She said sincerely.

"If you love Carter, and I know you do…then tell him." She added.

Abby shook her head. "I can't…"

"Of course you can. You already know he loves you so…? Why can't you?"

Abby felt her eyes water-up again and before a tear could fall from her eye; she buried her head in Susan's shoulder. Abby was ashamed; she couldn't tell Susan she was a coward, no – not when she thinks she's strong like so many people. It was a common misconception. Abby never let anyone in, never let her guard down. The only person who ever came close to really knowing her broke her heart and it never full recovered. She had let herself love him only to let him break her. Even before then she was a coward. She could never tell him she loved him; that would have been too much. Abby Lockhart doesn't convey her emotions, why would she? _"She doesn't trust anyone"_ – another common misconception. Trusting wasn't the problem, it was fear. She was afraid of what she could loose if she opened up and admitted how she felt. If she made it real she could loose it all; so instead she never spoke about it and lost it all anyway.

The whole apartment had went silent as Abby wept on Susan's shoulder and it stayed like that for a while until faint noises could be heard from outside Susan's door. The shuffling of feet became louder and louder until, eventually a gentle knock was heard from the door. It got stronger and louder after a few hits until it became completely audible.

The noise startled Abby who raised her head and looked at Susan.

Susan smiled gently at her friend.

"I'll get rid of whoever it is" she said softly.

Abby nodded her head in agreement and Susan made her way to the front door, leaving the living room door wide open on her way out. At the door, she looked through the peep hole and shook her head. She took in a deep breath as she opened the door, praying the person on the other side wouldn't speak too loudly…

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please, please spend two seconds reviewing. It really does help when I'm writing and if you have any constructive criticism please feel free to give it. 

x x x


	12. Chapter 11

cannot express how grateful I am to all the people who have stuck with me. I have to be the most annoying writer in the world. You guys kept me going (albeit slowly). A million thank yous.

Can you believe I started this thing in June? SIX MONTHS! God...That's quite bad actually :P

Right, enough of my ramblings.

Here it is. The end.

**

* * *

Chapter 11 - The Final **

He was in the same state she had been in, like her his face was stained with tears and soaked with rain. He had the same sad expression on his face when she smiled at him. He didn't speak, instead he stood still, gently shaking his head as Susan watched him. She couldn't let him in, he couldn't be near Abby until she had worked out what she was going to do, and chances are he didn't want to see Abby much either. Susan closed the door behind her, stepping out into the hallway with him.

"Abby's in there" She said quietly, almost whispering.

Carter breathed deeply and nodded his head.

"Is she ok?"

Susan sighed. "She's Abby…don't be expecting miracles John."

Carter lowered his head. "I know"

He had spoken so quietly, that when he stopped talking it made no real difference. The hallway would echo anything that was said but Carter was speaking so low no one could hear him.

He faced the floor – devoting as much of his concentration on his feet as he possibly could. Susan was feeling more and more uneasy by the minute. His silence was cutting through her like a knife. She was dying to pull him into a hug or slap him across the face. Just like Carter always does he had beat around the bush and got himself into the mess he is in today, but at least he was trying to fix it. Trying…and failing. She wouldn't admit it and it was tearing him up inside. He wanted, hell, needed to hear her say it – hear her tell him that they could run away together and live happily ever after, that she loves him and that nothing else matters. Maybe this could have been avoided, maybe they'd be together now if he hadn't went to Africa, or maybe not. Africa ended one chapter in his life and started a brand new one; a much faster paced, romantic and epic chapter than the one that came before it but in spite of all of this Carter favoured the less "exciting", much more real predecessor.

Knowing she was on the other side of the door wasn't helping him, knowing she could hear everything he was going to say even though he couldn't see her. That's all he wanted to do. See her, be near her. He wanted to push pass Susan and storm the apartment, grab Abby and run – run away from all the madness around them and all the problems they were both facing. He didn't realise that he was, in a way the cause of a lot of Abby's problems. His departure and spineless break up letter had left her bitter, hurt and angry and perhaps, if it hadn't happened this way then she wouldn't have gone back to med school, so at least she had him to thank for that. Her return to med school was her attempt to show John Carter that she could change, grow or even just get a hold of her own life. For the months he was away she had been mentally picturing the day he would walk back into the ER and she her in a lab coat. But of course, that didn't go to plan. When he walked into that ER with that thing on his arm she felt as though the wind had been sucked from her body. He barely looked at her and she avoided him like the plague but when she finally did muster up the courage to approach him she was shot in the chest. She will never forget how she felt when he handed her that sonogram picture, nor will she ever forget how much she wished it was hers. But it wasn't. Carter had moved on and had a family on the way – her return to med school seemed mediocre in comparison.

She remembers feeling terrible when news of the baby made its way down to the ER and almost instantaneously Abby switched herself back into friend mode. That was something that was far too short lived. In the after math of the baby's death she tried tirelessly to reach out to him. It made no difference and within weeks they were nothing more than colleagues…until he left. Something in her head triggered and although they had spent the last year barely speaking she missed him. She missed knowing he was there, knowing that should she need him he'd come running. Sure, he still would have come – only he was half way around the world. In reality it was missing him that had made her reach out to Jake again and it was knowing he was no longer hers that had spurred her along when Jake proposed.

* * *

Even through a door she could recognise his voice. The muffled noises had been intriguing her since Susan opened the door, it looked like Carter had turned to the same person she had. Susan was fast becoming the rock in both of their lives. She was the first person either one turned to; a responsibility that carried three tonnes of emotions with it. Carter had known her since he was a med student, and although he denied it; he did have a crush on her. She was much too old for him, much too experienced and besides, he was sure she was into someone else – her best friend Mark Greene. When she left he was without a friend, a mentor and a rock and when she came back he was on cloud nine. Almost everyone welcomed her back with open arms, everyone except Abby. In her eyes she was taking Carter away from her; stealing him and worst of all…dating him. Resentment was the only way to describe how Abby felt towards Susan, sheer and unadulterated resentment. Susan had always felt intimidated by Abby yet when the pair finally made their way round to talking to one another their friendship even surprised themselves. When the time came round, no one was more excited about Carter and Abby's relationship than Susan and just like that no one was more disappointed when it ended. And now, yet again she was stuck right in the middle of their issues. 

Abby sat on Susan's sofa, straining her neck and her ear in a bid to hear what was going on. His voice was muffled and slow. He sounded upset, or at least she thought he did. As much as she wanted to talk to him, she needed time; time to think about him, about Jake and of course, about herself. That is of course why she walked away from him, wasn't it? Not because she's afraid of loving him, of not loving Jake; afraid of commitment or the unknown. Of course not. Abby Lockhart doesn't get afraid; she's strong and self-assured. She doesn't need anyone. Or at least, that's what she told herself as she ran, crying her eyes out, across the city to Susan; and maybe if she tells herself that enough then it will come true – because Abby and happiness don't go together.

She stood up and turned towards the door. She stood infront of it, hesitating as to whether or not to open it a little and try and hear what was going on. She didn't think she could suffer hearing what he had to say but at the same time she needed to know. She casually glanced around the room before taking a deep breath and slowly pulling the door back a few centimetres. Suddenly everything became clearer, well, the voices did. He was crying and when she heard that her heart ached a little. She was the cause of his pain, she was why she was crying and she couldn't help but feel guilty.

* * *

_"I'm sorry John…this just isn't working"_

_Surely he'd understand that. They both had to have known it wasn't going well. He was never there; not mentally. Since they day they got married his head was a million miles away and it was obvious. She had tried to ignore it and block it out, imagine it wasn't happening…but she couldn't._

_She did love him, there was no denying that but somehow, from somewhere she just felt like he didn't love her._

_She was hurt. He needed to be confronted and she wanted to make it seem like he was hurting her. Kem could never be seen to be the bad one._

_"I'll ask him if he is happy" She thought to herself. "…and if he tells me he is, I'll tell him I'm not." That would have to be the easiest way to do things wouldn't it? She thought so, and although she was prepared for a tricky conversation I don't think she expected the one she got. He wasn't happy; so she lied – lied to make him feel bad…but it didn't work. He left._

_He had been gone a full week and she still hadn't heard a word from him. Her small knowledge of Abby leant her to know that her wedding was in the next 24 hours. Surley she'd hear from John by then…since by then Abby will be out of his reach – thankfully._

_Her mind churned and churned hypothetical situations continuously. She had almost every scenario worked out; John coming back, apologising and then both of them working on their strained relationship; or John comes back and they call it quits – move on and remain as friends; or even face that he does still love Abby but not let it come between them. All these and many more, but she hadn't dared to think what would happen if he didn't come home to her. Strange, since she even knew that chances are he wasn't coming back. Chances are things would finally be over and she could move on with her life; and so could he._

* * *

"What do you think I should do?" 

"I think you should talk to Abby" Susan confirmed.

"Welll…." Carter said as he nodded towards the door.

Susan shook her head

"I don't think she's ready to talk to you…"

Carter was taken aback

"I mean, I don't think she knows what to do…or say, or how to react, you know?"

Carter gently nodded his head. "I guess…"

He could feel it all building up inside him again. He wanted to scream and let it all out. He wanted to go back; before he left for Africa and just stay; stay with Abby and work it out. If he had done that chances are they wouldn't be where they are just now.

Susan was looking past Carter, peering down the hallway when she lifted her hand and looked at the watch on her wrist – noticing that she had been standing at the door for much longer than she had anticipated.

"Look Carter, I gotta go…I have company remember?"

Carter groaned with frustration. "Yeah, okay…" He said as she turned to close the door.

"Wait! Can you just ask her, just tell her I'm here…"

"I don't know Carter…"

"Please?" He begged.

* * *

"He wants to talk to you…" Susan stated as she pushed the door open. 

Abby, upon hearing Susan moving had darted onto the sofa again, was sitting at the other end of the room. She decided to play dumb.

"Who? Carter?...He's here?" Abby sounded surprised.

"Yeah, I figured you'd have been leaning against the door, listening" Susan smiled.

Abby smiled before thinking about whether or not to go talk to him.

"Do you want me to tell him to go away?" Susan asked, breaking the silence.

Abby snapped out of her line of thought and looked up at her friend.

"No…I need to talk him too…"

Susan smiled and nodded her head.

"…It's just…well; if you hear him screaming, don't worry. I'll probably be killing him. Ok?" Abby joked, lightening the mood.

"Sure thing" Susan replied, laughing a little before Abby stood up, walked across the room and closed the door on her way out.

* * *

He had moved to the outside of the building and was found sitting on the stone stairs leading up to Susan's building; he had his back turned to the door and was gazing across the street, or at the not so distant Sears Tower. 

She had followed her way out the building and saw his shadow behind the glass on the door. When she pushed the heavy door open he turned and faced her.

"Hey" She said quietly.

"Hey" He smiled.

"Don't you wanna come inside? You've got to be freezing" Abby sounded concerned. He was still rather wet after trekking through the city in the rain.

"Nah, I'll be okay" Carter replied.

"Okay"

Abby breathed in and stepped down to sit beside Carter. He shuffled along a little bit – making room for her. He watched her sit down then find her balance and he smiled to himself.

She turned to face him and almost sadly smiled at him; looking deep into his eyes. He avoided her gaze; it was making him feel uncomfortable. She knew what he was here for, she knew how he was feeling and only she knew how to make it right. He felt naked sitting beside her; all his defences had been let down and he was ready to be hurt; after all Abby was never one for over-powering romantic gestures, or even facing her own feelings.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" She spoke softly.

Carter sniggered, shaking his head. "You know what I'm here to say" He snapped back at her.

Abby leant to her side, leaning in towards him; trying to catch his attention.

"Is this how it's going to be? You biting at me until I say the one thing you know I can't?"

"That's bullshit Abby. You can say it; I know you can because I know you do. We wouldn't be having this conversation if you didn't."

He waited for her to respond. She didn't.

"So why can't you just swallow your pride and say it?"

"It's not about pride" She looked at her feet.

"Then what is it? If you feel it, and you mean it why can't you say it?"

It was his turn to look at her and her turn to avoid him. She kept her eyes focused on the step below her and her feet.

"It's easy to say…"

Abby found her self springing up at his last remark.

"Oh yeah?" Abby asked, sceptically.

Carter was startled by her sudden movement and sensed that she was on a roll and that it would be best to let her go on.

"If it's so easy then why didn't you say it?"

"I did say it…We were standing by the river, an hour ago and I said it."

"Not then Carter" She should feel herself getting angry with him.

"Then when?"

"Ohh I don't know…In the year we were dating?" She shouted the last word a little too loudly since it caused John to jump a little.

He stopped for a moment and looked into her eyes.

"Why didn't you?" He spoke softly and quietly, bringing the tone of the conversation back down to the level it deserved.

Abby could feel herself getting worked up. She could feel her eyes watering and her heart was aching. Both she and Carter took a moment to think to themselves, allowing themselves to comprehend the situation.

"What's wrong with us?" Abby said shaking her head.

Carter found himself laughing a little at her statement.

"I do not know. I shouldn't be this hard, should it?"

"Oh I don't John, I was always taught you have to fight for the good things in life" Abby said sincerely. "It was one of the very few pearls of wisdom Maggie came out with" She added on the end, lightening the mood.

He laughed at her comment.

"Trust you to kill a mood"

She smiled. "Hey, I'll have you know that's quite a skill. You should be so lucky…and talented."

They smiled at one another.

"So, where do we go now?" Abby asked, looking out across the street.

"I was hoping you could tell me" Carter added, following her eyes.

She took and deep breath and as she turned to face him she let it out.

"I do, y…you know? I, I never stopped…"She stuttered out.

"You do what?" Carter enquired, trying to get her to say what he desperately wanted her to say.

She shook her head and turned her attention back to her feet. "…John, please!"

"Why can't you say it…"

"You, of all people should know why I'm finding it so tough to say this" She said quietly as her eyes waters to the point where a single tear rolled down her cheek. She turned and looked at him. Noticing the tear on her face he lifted his hand and in cupping her face, wiped it away.

"You're not going to loose me" John said, meaning every word he said.

Abby turned her head in his hand before lifting her hand up to bring his down off her face.

"You said that once before…and you left." Abby spoke through the tears that now streamed down her face.

"God, carter, I trusted you! And you left…If I hadn't had run in to you that night I wouldn't even have known."

"I know, I know and I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I wish I could just go back in time and stay with you, in Chicago…but I can't."

"So what now?" Abby said as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Carter breathed in and leaned towards her.

"Now…I'm going to tell you that I love you and that I'm sorry. I'm going to tell you that I'm willing to fight the rest of my life if it means we're together and I'm going to tell you that I'm never going to leave you…ever again."

Carter's eyes had watered up so much; he was practically crying. He starred into her eyes, watching them fill up with water and as a new tear rolled down he face he wiped it away. He held onto her face, holding the side where her jaw meets her neck. He stared into her eyes, watching them stare back at him. He leaned forward and pulled her in with him and where they met he kissed her.

She closed her tear stained eyes and absorbed the moment; melting into him – allowing every fear or doubt she had fly out of the window. In that one precious minute everything was how it should have been; her head was clear.

"I love you" She whispered as she gently pulled away from him, leaving her forehead resting on his. She could feel him smiling as he tightened his grip around her neck. They remained like this for what seemed like an eternity; listening to and feeling each others breaths, absorbing everything they had long since been near and when the time felt right they pulled apart.

He picked her hand up and placed in his as she lay her head on his shoulder – where they sat smiling and thinking about their futures – together.

"Can I borrow your cell?" Abby said confidently, keeping her head on John's shoulder.

He turned, forcing her to lift her head. "Why?" Carter asked, confused.

Abby smiled and raised her eyebrows.

"I've got a wedding to cancel"

Fin

* * *

Please, please, please review and tell me what you thought of it. 


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